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I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty awesome. I mean I’m sure you are awesome, but do you embrace your inner awesome? Being this cool is a full time job in itself, but I take time to share it as much as possible (I learned in sobriety not to be so selfish… still working on the humble thing). Now even though I was born with an overabundance of awesome in my cool chromosome, when I was being a drunk I was much less effective at being incredible. Sobriety has gifted me with enough insight and understanding to see how much cooler it is to be sober, and how much I suppressed my excellence with drinking. I figured I would take some time off my rigorous schedule of ‘killing it at life’ and basically changing history to talk about 9 reasons being sober is so much cooler than being drunk. You’re welcome!
To help me out with this task today, I’m going to need some help from a man equally as cool… this innovator of awesome is the hilarious Stephen Colbert!
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1. You can remember how awesome you are
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When you are drinking, it’s pretty common you get drunk and forget stuff. when getting drunk you’re probably not doing too much cool stuff anyway, so you’re not missing much except… you know… your own life. Being sober you can catalog all the cool stuff you do instead of combating black-outs. Plus you actually can take into account the life you have to truly enjoy the time you spend and the activities you take part in.
2. You can drive your car… like a boss
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Drinking and driving is quite possibly the most uncool thing ever bruh! Driving sober is so much cooler because you’re not putting yourself, your loved ones, or other people on the road in serious danger. Sobriety lets you put the car in ‘cool control’ and cruise without the threat of parking it off a cliff.
3. You can speak ‘awesome’ fluently
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Trying to talk when you’re drunk is like trying to send a text message with a calculator. It kind of feels right and you can keep trying, but you’ll confuse yourself and no one else will get it. Being sober you are able to speak fluently and clearly in my native tongue- AWESOMESE!
4. You don’t waste money getting wasted
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Being sober you save a lot of money you would usually blow on a bar-tab or a bottle. I know when I was drinking my budget was pretty outrageous and at the end of the day it’s always a waste. Sobriety gives you opportunities to spend money on actually activities, or just to save it. Besides, we in sobriety know you can’t put a price tag on being THIS incredible.
5. You’re not THAT GUY (or GIRL)
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When drunk a lot of us do some pretty scandalous stuff. We get in fights, flirt with someone whose taken, or even need to be baby-sat all night. While sober you can still fail to be as cool as me, but at least you might come close. Sobriety allows you to be a lot less THAT GUY and act as if you’re as amazing as well… you know… THIS GUY!
6. You look and smell pretty and/or epic
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I know when I wake up I smell like Old Spice and awesome! Being sober I am now more conscious of how to highlight my more amazing attributes. Dressing, smelling, and looking like you woke up on the epic side of the bed is so much better than rolling onto the floor and crawling into whatever shirt you wore to the bar last night.
7. You don’t wake up feeling ‘turned down’
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Who wants to wake up to turn down? Feeling hung-over or lost in whatever happened the night before is not cool. A headache and nausea is the farthest thing from the sober morning routine. It’s great to wake up every day and feel ready to get stuff done, to get into something fun, or just relax instead of dreading waking up at all. Turn down for what? When you’re sober you realize that’s a rhetorical question.
8. That beer-gut doe!
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Being a dude with a baby-bump purely inspired by booze is not a winning situation. No one expects us all to be models or athletes, but we can take a lot better care of our bodies when we are sober. In sobriety I know a lot of people tend to eat better, work out more, and obsess less about their weight.
9. You have LEGEN-(wait for it)-DARY relationships
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A huge benefit from being sober, and incredible, is that we create these new relationships that are so strong. Connections can be LEGEN-wait for it-DARY when based on our actual awesome selves. I know when I was drunk the only thing watered down was my personality. Now I have people equally as outstanding in my life who inspire me every day.
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… not quite my man… stay cool for a minute.
Nothing was more diluted than my personality or the relationships based on being a drunk. The things I said, the way I acted, and the person I was when drinking is not anywhere close to the person I wanted to be. Sober I am free to be my amazing, totally cool, stunningly swarthy self, and it is all thanks to a program of recovery that was shared with me by other incredible people. All jokes aside I am grateful for sobriety and a spiritual solution, it’s the coolest! But I’m a close 2nd place.
Colbert, we’re done here…
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