7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask (Part 3 of 3)

Our parents love us to death and would do anything for us. Moms are especially connected to us for obvious reasons and when we break her heart, as we often do in addiction, she’s left with a million questions and no answers. Our moms want to see us happy, healthy and living a productive life. In addiction we are not happy, healthy or being productive. Our lives are in shambles and so are the lives of our families. Addiction is a family disease so everyone is affected by our actions. We are not the only ones feeling hurt, lost and neglected. First start at 7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask (Part 1 of 3) then read 7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask (Part 2 of 3) and finish off here.

7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask (Part 3 of 3)

Being a mother of an addict isn’t easy. Once I heard someone say that a mother is only as happy as her saddest child. This is certainly true for many mothers of addicts. They feel hopeless, scared, and sad. All a mother wants is to see their child succeed. Mothers of addicts must watch as their children spiral out of control. They have to watch as their child destroys their relationships, their careers, and their health. It is every mother’s nightmare.

7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask: What do I do if my child relapses?

A relapse can be very difficult for a mother of an addict. Your child finally quits using drugs and starts making an effort to get their life back on track. You finally feel like you can stop worrying and sleep through the night. Just as you feel you can finally breathe again, your child relapses.

Here’s what you need to know about relapse: If an addict is intent on relapsing, there is nothing anyone can do to stop it. However, there are certain behaviors you can learn to recognize that indicate the onset of a relapse. Please note, however, that recognizing the behaviors won’t necessarily prevent the relapse! You can, however, try to recognize the signs and encourage your child to get back to the things that got them sober. Over confidence, resentments, and behaviors like lying, stealing, or cheating are all signs of an impending relapse. If you start to recognize these things in your child, you may be able to encourage them to get make a change before it is too late.

If your child does relapse, you should avoid the four M’s. The four M’s are mother, manipulate, martyr or money. When your child relapses, your first instinct may be to “mother” them by taking care of them or trying to shield them from consequences. Mothering is harmful because it enables your child to keep using. Manipulation is trying to control our loved one. Even if we have the best of intentions, manipulation should be avoided. Martyr refers to the tendency of mothers to go into the “woe is me” mindset when a child relapses. But feeling sorry for yourself does not help your child. Last is money. It is natural for some parents to want to reach into their pockets to solve a problem. Parents should think long and hard about any money they will be using to help a child who relapses, particularly if they are thinking about giving money directly to the child. Often, this is just another form of enabling and shielding your child from needed consequences.

7 Questions Mothers of Addicts Ask: Will they ever be able to drink again?

Mothers of addicts often ask if their child will ever be able to drink again. Perhaps they just want their child to have a normal life, and the concept of life long sobriety seems unusual or burdensome. Perhaps their child is trying to convince them that they will be able to drink successfully one day or that “alcohol was not the problem.” However, if your child is an addict, then they should stay away from any and all mind-altering substances, including alcohol. And yes, this means for life. The good news is that it is absolutely possible to live a full, happy, and normal life without alcohol.

If your loved one is in need of addiction treatment, please give us a call at 800-951-6135.